Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Introduction

In the past few years, I’ve lost my father and two uncles. I’m really starting to feel the loss of older male mentors.

These were men who guided me through childhood and into adulthood. Even as a grown man, I valued their advice and perspective. Increasingly, I find myself facing situations I would have once discussed with them, only to realize I have to figure them out on my own.

And now, somehow, I’ve become them.

I’m a mentor to my sons, and I do what I can to help them become good, capable men. Often I wonder, Am I really ready for this? Am I cut from the same cloth as my dad and uncles?

I don’t always feel ready.

My father and his brother were abandoned by their father and raised by a mother with grit and determination. Somehow, despite the odds, they became good men. I often find myself wondering how they did it.

Whether we never had strong role models or lost them too soon, there comes a point when we have to find our own way. No one hands us a roadmap for midlife. No one provides step-by-step instructions for mentoring the next generation.

We learn how to work. We learn how to provide. We learn how to survive.

Learning how to thrive is harder. In fact, many men mistake boredom for burnout and never really address the real problem.

These are five skills I believe every man should develop before midlife if he wants to continue growing, mentoring, and living with purpose.

Skill 1: Physical Fitness

In midlife, strength, endurance, and mobility matter more than ever.

If you’ve reached middle age out of shape, like I have, now is the time to do something about it.

After 40, health problems stop being abstract. Heart disease, cancer, and other chronic illnesses become things that happen to people your age. You begin thinking less about looking fit and more about staying healthy enough to enjoy the years ahead.

That’s why the goal should be capability, not appearance.

As we age, maintaining strength and mobility becomes increasingly important. Neglecting them can contribute to frailty later in life, which is associated with higher rates of illness, disability, and mortality.

The good news is that prevention starts now.

My wife and I have started walking again. We try to fit in a walk at lunch and another in the evening. Every time I consider starting a walking routine, I tell myself I don’t have time. Yet somehow I always find time for things that matter less.

Most of us don’t need more hours in the day. We need to be more intentional about how we spend them.

Walking, running, strength training, and mobility work are all excellent places to start.

Skill 2: Stress Management

Another important skill to develop in midlife is stress management.

Unmanaged stress contributes to both physical and mental health problems. Learning to manage it effectively is one of the most valuable investments you can make in yourself.

Unfortunately, many of us cope by escaping.

Alcohol, drugs, endless scrolling, television, or simply burying ourselves in work may provide temporary relief, but they rarely solve the underlying problem.

If life feels unusually difficult, ask yourself a few honest questions.

Am I burned out?

Am I bored?

Am I restless because I need more challenge and growth?

I started Struggle Bus Academy while trying to answer those questions for myself. At first, I thought I was suffering from burnout. After some reflection, I realized I was missing adventure, learning, and personal growth.

Sometimes the problem isn’t that life is too hard.

Sometimes it’s that we’ve stopped growing.

Skill #3: Building or Creating Things

One of these healthy outlets is gardening. Working in a complex, intellectual field, I sometimes wish I could do something simpler with my hands that yields tangible, meaningful results. Gardening does that for me. It’s also a connection to my father, who planted small gardens in our backyard when I was a child. Like him, I find satisfaction in eating a meal prepared with things I grew myself. I know the vegetables I grow are healthy for my family and give me yet another way to provide for them.

Other examples include writing, woodworking, or music. I’ve started playing the banjo again. I’m terrible at it but enjoy it tremendously. Find a passion and throw yourself into it. It doesn’t matter whether you’re good at it or not. Creating something keeps you engaged with life.

Skill #4: Communication

Communication skills are not often taught explicitly. Much of how we learn to communicate comes from observing others. Depending on our role models, we may pick up excellent communication skills or those that need improvement.

Whether in marriage or relationships, parenting, friendships, or at work, strong communication skills can make the difference between growth and stagnation, or even failure. Active listening is the key to effective communication. Unless you’ve gone to school to become a therapist, active listening is probably not something you’ve been taught.

In conversation, when most people say they’re listening, they’re really just waiting to talk. Instead of processing what the other person is saying, they’re thinking about what they’re going to say next. Active listening means slowing down and truly hearing what the other person is saying, focusing on the underlying emotions behind their words. Expressing needs and handling conflict are other skills to learn. While some people are naturally good at communicating, others can learn it with guidance and practice.

Skill #5: Adventure

Adventuring is a skill that many men slowly give up in midlife. We just stop trying new things. We don’t have the time, or we’re too old. These are things we tell ourselves to justify stagnation. There are countless things we do, like watching TV or sitting on the couch drinking beer, that add little to the quality of our lives. We should try to replace some of that wasted time with adventure.

Adventure isn’t just for the young. As we age, some things become more difficult, but they aren’t unreachable. We can still do the things we did when we were younger, with some adjustments. For example, as a kid and young adult, I practiced judo. It’s a rough sport. I haven’t done any judo in a while, but I think, with some care, I could pull it off. The risk of getting hurt is higher than when I was younger, but I can take precautions, like taking it much easier than I did in my teens and twenties.

As crazy as it sounds, I’ve purchased a skateboard in the last year. And I intend to learn to ride it again. I haven’t skated since I was 14, so that’s over 30 years ago. It’s going to be a struggle, and I’ll make sure my old ass is fully padded up. But that’s what SBA is all about — challenging yourself in midlife to continue growth and learning. Learning, exploring, and embracing challenge can continue to be part of your life even in middle age.

Conclusion

The common thread connecting all five of these skills is simple:

Become a student again.

Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep challenging yourself.

The men who age best aren’t necessarily the strongest, wealthiest, or smartest. They’re the ones who remain curious. They continue developing new skills, exploring new interests, and embracing new challenges long after many of their peers have settled into comfortable routines.

That’s what Struggle Bus Academy is really about.

Not becoming perfect.

Just becoming a little better than you were yesterday.

About the Author

Rob Rice is a nurse educator, writer, husband, father, and lifelong learner. After more than two decades in nursing and mental health, he started Struggle Bus Academy to document his journey toward better health, personal growth, new skills, and a more adventurous life. His goal is simple: to make his fifties his best decade yet.

Join the Struggle Bus Dispatch

Get new posts, midlife growth ideas, and honest updates from Struggle Bus Academy.